What rights

[nothasoul]

What rights do fathers have when it comes to custody of a child?

[drunkenstarfish]

Hit up sideout. He is a lawyer. Not sure what kinda of stuff he does, but I am sure he can help you out. I think he is in Europe right now though.

[RicoVacilon]

Not enough! I can see why those guys in England are so violent at times. Men get the shaft bigtime.

[DeacMike]

You have just as much rights as the mother.

#1 - Don't allow the mother to be the sole custodian parent. try your best to have the courts list you on the papers as having some type of custody. It will be easier in the future to get sole custody if it ever comes to that

#2 - Child care is gonna be an added expense if you don't try to get joint custody. If child support is being arranged, child care can be very expensive when added to the support arithmetic.

#3 - The courts are looking out only for the welfare of the child. They feel that both parents are an important part, but will in every attempt make the mother the primary, if the father lets it. Don't let it

#4 - If the mother decides she wants to leave the state, before or after the court ruling, make sure you fight it. Technically, she can't do it. It endangers the welfare of the childs relationship with the father and courts don't want that to happen.

#5 - You must get a lawyer. I should have made this your number one priority, but I'm sure you get the idea.

[nothasoul]

You have just as much rights as the mother.

#1 - Don't allow the mother to be the sole custodian parent. try your best to have the courts list you on the papers as having some type of custody. It will be easier in the future to get sole custody if it ever comes to that

#2 - Child care is gonna be an added expense if you don't try to get joint custody. If child support is being arranged, child care can be very expensive when added to the support arithmetic.

#3 - The courts are looking out only for the welfare of the child. They feel that both parents are an important part, but will in every attempt make the mother the primary, if the father lets it. Don't let it

#4 - If the mother decides she wants to leave the state, before or after the court ruling, make sure you fight it. Technically, she can't do it. It endangers the welfare of the childs relationship with the father and courts don't want that to happen.

#5 - You must get a lawyer. I should have made this your number one priority, but I'm sure you get the idea.

Thank you. I just want to have amunition if it ever comes down that way and knoledge is the key here. I see alot of things happen to fathers that don't know there rights and it is wrong. We get no respect in the court system.

[nothasoul]

Not enough! I can see why those guys in England are so violent at times. Men get the shaft bigtime.
Your absolutely right Rico. That is why alot of domestic problems happen in the family. Alot of women use children as a weapon to destroy you and help there cause to suck you dry.

[nothasoul]

DeacMike if you can't afford a lawyer what do you do?

[Skinsman 68]

DeacMike if you can't afford a lawyer what do you do?

Being that I am a lawyer, all I can say is that Family Law is not an area of the law that you want to wade into unrepresented, at least not in California. I am not too sure how things are in the other states, but any state dealing with community property is going to have some complex issues involved. Unfortunately, Family Law is not an area where the lawyers work on a contingency fee basis so you are stuck paying a large retainer and then having your attorney bill against that.

As to your initial question, DeacMike is correct that Courts will generally look into what is in the best interests of the child. Ironically, that often works against the parent who is working and is the breadwinner of the relationship as the Courts frequently think that the parent who can spend the most time with the child is the better caregiver. Quite often, the working parent is not in that position. If both parents work, then things become more complicated.

Best of luck with this situation.

[DeacMike]

DeacMike if you can't afford a lawyer what do you do?


Well. My brother told me a long time ago whats best if you ever run into that situation.

His words were "Its cheaper to keep her"

If you can't afford a lawyer, start saving for one.

Never, ever go into a Family Law matter without representation. The Laws governing Child Support are very tricky. Each state has its "Age of Majority." One thing you don't want is a child, you hardly have a relationship with, living in another states, thousands of miles away, and you paying out like crazy until age 21 and sometimes until finished college.

My best advice I can give you is "Don't let it happen without some initial agreement on file between you and the mother.

Don't pay without receipts and keep those other expense receipt on file.

The courts are very bias when it comes to child support.

[GaryGuanine]

There used to be presumptions that the child should go with the mother, but in most states they're not around anymore. As Skinsman said, it's usually the "best interests of the child". The problem is that the legal system is so adversarial that it's not well suited to custody determinations -- it's always "a war", when it shouldn't be. New York, I know, has some alternative dispute resolution groups for divorce.

As Deacmike suggested, try to get an agreement between you and your wife in the event of a divorce. Courts like that.

Basically, know that if you're going to have a kid, it's going to be a huge financial burden. If you don't get full custody, you're going to pay a lot of money (bear in mind also that if you stay married, the kid's going to cost you thousands upon thousands of dollars anyway). Child support is almost completely out of the hands of judges nowadays -- it's almost all done according to guidelines set up by various legal groups. Men tend to make more money than women + the cost of the child is spread proportionately = men end up paying more.

Gary

[Shiloh]

just to bring one more piece of advice to the table... if your not keeping track of monies that your giving to the mother for the child... start doing so immediatley!

Doing this was the only thing that saved me from paying "rears" for my son, when his mother and I went for our child support hearing.

now, thank god, the Child support i pay is doable, but I always end up paying more outside of that anyway... lol, summer camps and activites for you kids are just way too freaking expensive today... lol.

Just keep your books up... it will help in the end.

[RicoVacilon]

now, thank god, the Child support i pay is doable, but I always end up paying more outside of that anyway... lol, summer camps and activites for you kids are just way too freaking expensive today... lol.

My gf's ex expects all that stuff to come out of the measely amount she gets in support. He'll send her messages like "the kids need new shoes" and I'm thinking "so f'ing get them some."

While dad's don't get enough rights, there sure are a lot of deadbeats out there too!

[Skinsman 68]

Yeah, keeping track of everything, assets, income, expenditures, etc, is very important. many states, such as California, have computer software for which data is input and then the program tells the judge how much should be paid in spousal support, how much for child support and so on. Most of the disputes come in the form of the data that is to be input into the program so having a detailed accounting of your assets, particularly anything that you consider your sole property, is vital.

It is rare that a court is going to award sole legal and physical custody to one parent. Unless one parent is a deadbeat loser, has problems with the law, or strung out on drugs, the Courts will generally award joint physical and legal custody to both parents. One parent becomes the primary caregiver and gets support from the other. The biggest disputes I saw for the brief period of time I did Family Law was with visitation rites, especially during the holidays, and when the primary caregiver wanted to move away with the kid(s). Those were not fun situations to handle at all.

[Nevada_Ballin]

You have just as much rights as the mother.

#1 - Don't allow the mother to be the sole custodian parent. try your best to have the courts list you on the papers as having some type of custody. It will be easier in the future to get sole custody if it ever comes to that

#2 - Child care is gonna be an added expense if you don't try to get joint custody. If child support is being arranged, child care can be very expensive when added to the support arithmetic.

#3 - The courts are looking out only for the welfare of the child. They feel that both parents are an important part, but will in every attempt make the mother the primary, if the father lets it. Don't let it

#4 - If the mother decides she wants to leave the state, before or after the court ruling, make sure you fight it. Technically, she can't do it. It endangers the welfare of the childs relationship with the father and courts don't want that to happen.

#5 - You must get a lawyer. I should have made this your number one priority, but I'm sure you get the idea.

I'm a single father who actually has legal custody, i can address some of this:

#1 - unless the judge sees a reason for one of the parents to not be around the children, there will always be some kind of "joint custody" with one parent having "primary custody". This would be the child's actual home address and school zone, etc.

#2 - Child care isn't usually attached to child support (that i've seen, but rarely it is). But medical insurance is usually required. The "absent parent" (hate that term) is usually responsible for Health Insurance. It's a good idea to offer to split the child care costs evenly between the parents though, it looks good to the judge as it shows you are trying to be fair.

#3 - Don't be greedy with this decision. Do not make weapons of your children - they lvoe both of you. If being with the mom IS the best situation for all ivolved, then let it be so. Don't try to get custody just because you want to "one up" your ex-partner.

#4 - As far as i know, a primary parent cannot move children out of state without written permission from the other parent.

#5 - Yes, a lawyer is a must.

Other things to note - make sure that the non-custodial parent has access to the kids via phone at any time they want and that visitation is scheduled and kept - it's important to the children. There will be times when visitation will need to be skipped & that's fine. Jsut be upfront with it as soon as you can.

Also holidays - this is tricky when it comes to moms - they always want the kids on the big holidays like christmas, easter, thanksgiving and birthdays. On my end, i've always found a way to split the day in half so their mom has time with them also.

finally - try not to talk bad about the mom in front of the kids. First because they lvoe her too. Second because they will probably repeat it to her and that could come up in court at a later date if you have to go back for any reason.