Parenting...

[drunkenstarfish]

I have an 8 year old son. He is pretty aggressive when he plays sports, but when he is not in uniform he is very passive. Goes with the flow and doesn't really cause any problems.

He recently started playing with the little fat kid down the street that no one will play with and theother kids all make fun of him(fat kid). My boy says why do they make fun of him dad? I think they are trying to make themselves feel better than him. But I like him dad. Then you do what is best for you.

Well they are playing in my yard when a pack of boys come rolling up on bikes like hells angels. They insatntly start picking on the fat kid. I am on my porch about to step off and hit the middle of these little bullies with a vengence when I see my boy step inbetween Blake(fat kid) and the hells angels. So I stop. They start yelling at my boy. I am getting worried. Then out of no where he blasts the kid in front of him and grabs another in a head lock. The first kid hits the ground and cries holding his eye. Blake jumps on another kid and I got a full out rumble going on in my yard. I go break it up. Drag my boy in the house and sit him down. He is hot and full of piss and vinegar. I had to explain to him that violence was not the answer, but deep down inside me I was screaming YOU GO BOY! I was torn on the subject. My wife wants him punished for fighting but the kid never gets in trouble he doesn't even lie to me when he does! I told her to take care of the laundry, cooking, and periods and leave the boy to me. lol She didn't like that. She has no sense of humor. So I give him this long talk about I was proud of him but he needs to find other ways to solve problems. There is a knock on the door. It is Blake. Thanks Larry no one ever stands up for me can you come out to play tomorrow? My heart sunk.

[VG_Bert]

It's a tough call to find the balance, but in this case I would say his action should go unpunished. Mom might not understand, but we guys know sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

My general rule is you don't slug your brother or sister, you let Mom or Dad deal with it.

If other kids are picking on them, they have the green light to do what they need to do to protect themselves.

[drunkenstarfish]

Mom's just don't get it. I don't want him to be soft. Now his sister is another story and I didn't have a thing to do with it. She throws punches first then asks questions afterwards. She has a pretty high temper. I always tell them not to fight because they only have each other, and if they stay close like they are it will help them through tough times on down the road when me and mom ain't around anymore. It's nice to see big sister helping out her little brother. I keep telling her someday he will be bigger than you and he will be the one sticking up for you when your older.

[Bearfanmike20]

OK.. this one is very dicy at best.....

Good for your kid standing up for his friend, but...

what if you kid makes friends down the line with a kid that isn't nice.. and starts sh1t with other people... if you dont punnish him for this he has now learned that its ok to fight when he's backing his boy.... even if his boy is a prick...

you get what I'm saying...

violence is NEVER the answer.. (unless... the other guy tries to hit him first)

He wasn't totaly defending himself.. yes he was sticking up for his friend, but..... he was not attacked.. he did the attacking...

I'm sorry man.. but I would punnish my kid for that.

must my 2 pennies.

[redrule22]

I like with Bearfanmike20 said, he can't go around hitting people jest because the little hell angles came up and picked on his friend. He should not be punished but you got to let him know name calling do hurt, but you/little big boy aka (fat kid) got to get tougher skin and let that slide off there back. Because if it was at school or not in front of your house think what would have happen. Tell you son people out in the world are happy there are kids out there that's doing good. And but the look of it you and you wife ar teaching him good stuff.

[Zymotic]

It's nice your kid stuck up for his friend. It is a good choice based on what he thinks is the right thing to do. You might want to explain to him what happens down the road though, and what may be the progression of his actions... usually the pack of wild kids coming back and messing with your house like cowards, or they find the boys somewhere they aren't protected by you and they beat on both of them with their bigger friends or older brothers... That's always how it seemed to go when I was growing up. Now you have the added possibility of those kids getting their hands on guns or knives...

Your daughter having the same quick temper as well as your (humorless) wife makes me wonder if its not just a genetic short fuse. Self-defense classes might be a good idea for both your kid and the friend. Although I see how your kids actions would make you feel proud of him, fostering those actions might harm him in life when he is older... What happens when he is out with someone and because of some words he accidently kills someone ? Courts only deal with guilty or not ... Your kid could have blinded or done perm. damage to any one of those kids... and ... legally you could be sued for his actions. I see how this could be a very difficult spot for you because you are dealing with what is morally right, and what is legally right... Good luck !

[Highlander]

Ive never condone the fighting for my kids BUT I dont want them to be walked over either so Is ay protect yourselves. Although back in my day as a young boy and a teen I had my share of fights BUT that was a different era, you didnt have to really worry about reprisal like in these days and times. I always want my sons to stick up for themselves I didnt want them being soft, my youngest is 16 he had an incident at PE a couple of months back where he and a kid got to pushing and shoving and he came home heated and told me about it, I asked him do you know this kid what kind of kid is he, my son says he is always beefing with someone. I told my son watch your back, because these kids try and show how tough they are via gun toting and shooting. The next day my son on his way to school calls me at work and says the kid and some friends were driving slowly by in a vehicle mad dogging him what should he do he said Mom said I should go up to him and asked him what your problem, like I said I dont want my son to be soft but I didnt agree with this tactic cuz no need for senseless violence if it can be avoided, I told him if he comes at you wrong protect yourself or if you see the cat in the hallway introduce yourself and mention no hard feelings during the game yesterday it was just the heat of the battle, if he acknowledges that cool if not oh well watch your back around him. As I stated earlier these young knuckleheads in Vegas think its a rite of passage to smoke someone with no remorse. Apparently it worked out but I still do not like the state of the teenage mind these days when solving conflict.
Ok DSF sorry I went off on my own tangent, but you said u talked to your son and thats all you can really do and hope if this scenario rears its ugly head again there is always the fight or flight method. I have the theory about leading the horse to water but you cant make him.....
I think it was brave of him not to want to see his friend abused and bullied. I know u felt that pride watching him handle his, I would have felt the same way, heck I get geeked when he is macking the young girls. I always wanted my guys to be leaders and not followers. JMHO

[drunkenstarfish]

Well I thought about it overnight and I punished him. As hard as it was for me I feel I am doing the right thing. My dad always told me to take the first punch if they said they couldn't because it's the best punch of the fight. In this day and era that doesn't always fly. I told him I understand why you did it and I appreciate you standing up for your buddy, but you need to understand that this will not be tolerated when you get older. Fighting is not always a bad thing in my eyes. I will catch some flack for that. Sometimes you can not turn the other cheek. There comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. Now that does not mean fighting every time, but he cannot be afraid of confrontation.
This is kinda a reminder to me from last summer. Me and my wife were walking through the mall and some little punk ran into my wife. Now back in the day I would throw fists with anyone anytime, so I grabbed him by the arm and said come on man watch where your going. Tell the lady your sorry. Needless to say he pulled his shirt up and showed me the gun in his belt. Of course that set me off more. You little bastard you better be quick with that cuz you'll look funny walking around with it sticking outta your arze. My wife pulled me away and said softly in my ear. This ain't 1980 honey.;)

[Bearfanmike20]

Well I thought about it overnight and I punished him. As hard as it was for me I feel I am doing the right thing. My dad always told me to take the first punch if they said they couldn't because it's the best punch of the fight. In this day and era that doesn't always fly. I told him I understand why you did it and I appreciate you standing up for your buddy, but you need to understand that this will not be tolerated when you get older. Fighting is not always a bad thing in my eyes. I will catch some flack for that. Sometimes you can not turn the other cheek. There comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. Now that does not mean fighting every time, but he cannot be afraid of confrontation.

Good for you man.. you mad the right choice. ;)


This is kinda a reminder to me from last summer. Me and my wife were walking through the mall and some little punk ran into my wife. Now back in the day I would throw fists with anyone anytime, so I grabbed him by the arm and said come on man watch where your going. Tell the lady your sorry. Needless to say he pulled his shirt up and showed me the gun in his belt. Of course that set me off more. You little bastard you better be quick with that cuz you'll look funny walking around with it sticking outta your arze. My wife pulled me away and said softly in my ear. This ain't 1980 honey.;)
I would have started screaming... Shoot me mother f#cker.. come on....

remember.. your in a mall.... a huge public place.. and the kid has a gun.... not exacly somthing he want to draw that much attention to....

[Zymotic]

Well I thought about it overnight and I punished him. As hard as it was for me I feel I am doing the right thing. My dad always told me to take the first punch if they said they couldn't because it's the best punch of the fight. In this day and era that doesn't always fly. I told him I understand why you did it and I appreciate you standing up for your buddy, but you need to understand that this will not be tolerated when you get older. Fighting is not always a bad thing in my eyes. I will catch some flack for that. Sometimes you can not turn the other cheek. There comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. Now that does not mean fighting every time, but he cannot be afraid of confrontation.
This is kinda a reminder to me from last summer. Me and my wife were walking through the mall and some little punk ran into my wife. Now back in the day I would throw fists with anyone anytime, so I grabbed him by the arm and said come on man watch where your going. Tell the lady your sorry. Needless to say he pulled his shirt up and showed me the gun in his belt. Of course that set me off more. You little bastard you better be quick with that cuz you'll look funny walking around with it sticking outta your arze. My wife pulled me away and said softly in my ear. This ain't 1980 honey.;)

Awesome parenting ! I thought you said your wife wasn't funny ??!! Too funny about this not being 1980 ... sure the music sucked a little back then but the worst you would get from a bully is a pop in the mouth and maybe a tab poured on your head ....

[Aaight]

Good for you man.. you mad the right choice. ;)


I would have started screaming... Shoot me mother f#cker.. come on....

remember.. your in a mall.... a huge public place.. and the kid has a gun.... not exacly somthing he want to draw that much attention to....
This is exactly what you DON'T do. You DON'T get confrontational with someone with a gun. You do either 1 of 2 things.

1) Walk away
2) Go all out at him.

If anyone actually does the "pull the shirt up" just to let you know they have a gun....then it's best to walk away, as they are just "showing". If they seem to be going for the gun....well then you go all out (of course this is assuming you are within arms reach).

Anyway,
As far as your son is concerned.....I think you did the right thing. I would actually had to have witnessed the altercation to be definitive. If he attacked becasue he felt threatened, then that's different then attacking becasue he was angry about what they were saying. Still I wouldn't make his punishment to tough THIS time.

[Bearfanmike20]

This is exactly what you DON'T do. You DON'T get confrontational with someone with a gun. You do either 1 of 2 things.

1) Walk away
2) Go all out at him.

If anyone actually does the "pull the shirt up" just to let you know they have a gun....then it's best to walk away, as they are just "showing". If they seem to be going for the gun....well then you go all out (of course this is assuming you are within arms reach).

Anyway,
As far as your son is concerned.....I think you did the right thing. I would actually had to have witnessed the altercation to be definitive. If he attacked becasue he felt threatened, then that's different then attacking becasue he was angry about what they were saying. Still I wouldn't make his punishment to tough THIS time.

aight... in the middle of a mall.. whats he gonna do... actually shoot you....

[Aaight]

aight... in the middle of a mall.. whats he gonna do... actually shoot you....
L
M
A
O


YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bearfanmike20]

L
M
A
O


YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL.. my wife always said I was kind of stupid and crazy, but I would make sure I talked as loud as possible about that gun he had in his belt if I was in a mall like that... I'd want his azz busted...

[Skinsman 68]

First off, I think you ended up doing the right thing DSF. Its great that your kid stuck up for his friend, thats what friends are for after all. But, he has to realize that violence is never the solution, unless you playing the Halo 3 Beta right now:D

The stories about the kid in the mall reminded me of my own experience from about a year ago. My wife and I were in Best Buy and, thankfully, the kids were with their grandparents. This checker opened his line and motioned for us to come over, so we did. As we are checking out, I begin to notice this little punk and his skank of a girlfriend are talking shyt to my wife, complaining that we cut in front of them and getting very aggressive with her. This is all because of a place in line at Best Buy mind you. Anyway, when this little turd calls my wife a *****, I get in his face and ask him who the hell he thinks he is talking to. This fool tells me how he is going to beat my *** down and so forth. Now, I have made a habit of avoiding fights all my life, but this guy is smaller than me, clearly dumber and I have had a couple of years of Tae Kwon Do Training myself. So, I am like, fine let's do it. This guys eyes are blazing red and his pupils look like manhole covers in the snow so he is obvioulsy on something. My wife literally pulls me away and says essentially the same thing DSF's wife said to him, telling me I don't know what weapons he has, or how many of his tweaker buddies are in the parking lot, etc. It still pisses me off a year later, but I know my wife was the wiser of the two of us that day.

And for the record, I loved the music in the 80's:D But, the world is certainly a different and much more violent place now than it was back then. Aaight is right. These crazy phucks will shoot you in the middle of a public square without thinking twice about it. We have had two mall shootings in the past year out here.

Quite sad indeed:(

[joetoronto]

I have an 8 year old son. He is pretty aggressive when he plays sports, but when he is not in uniform he is very passive. Goes with the flow and doesn't really cause any problems.

He recently started playing with the little fat kid down the street that no one will play with and theother kids all make fun of him(fat kid). My boy says why do they make fun of him dad? I think they are trying to make themselves feel better than him. But I like him dad. Then you do what is best for you.

Well they are playing in my yard when a pack of boys come rolling up on bikes like hells angels. They insatntly start picking on the fat kid. I am on my porch about to step off and hit the middle of these little bullies with a vengence when I see my boy step inbetween Blake(fat kid) and the hells angels. So I stop. They start yelling at my boy. I am getting worried. Then out of no where he blasts the kid in front of him and grabs another in a head lock. The first kid hits the ground and cries holding his eye. Blake jumps on another kid and I got a full out rumble going on in my yard. I go break it up. Drag my boy in the house and sit him down. He is hot and full of piss and vinegar. I had to explain to him that violence was not the answer, but deep down inside me I was screaming YOU GO BOY! I was torn on the subject. My wife wants him punished for fighting but the kid never gets in trouble he doesn't even lie to me when he does! I told her to take care of the laundry, cooking, and periods and leave the boy to me. lol She didn't like that. She has no sense of humor. So I give him this long talk about I was proud of him but he needs to find other ways to solve problems. There is a knock on the door. It is Blake. Thanks Larry no one ever stands up for me can you come out to play tomorrow? My heart sunk.


sounds like what i'd have said to my wife, only seriously. :D

i think you handled it perfectly, DSF.

years ago, when my 17 year old son was only about 6 or 7, the principle of his school was mad at him for being in the girls washroom. she explained to me that when she asked him why he was in there, he said "i was looking for some chicks." :D

so here i am, in front of my car in the parking lot, facing the principle and my son is beside her with a look on his face like he's about to die. i'm friggin ready to burst out laughing, i mean, i'm really having a hard time keeping a straight face, much less an angry one, lol.

i start laughing and say "i'll have a talk with him and make sure he never does it again. man, was she pissed. :D

anyway, i explained to my son that looking for chicks in a washroom wasn't right, because it's a private area.

he's a chip off the old block, that one.

[themenace47]

anyway, i explained to my son that looking for chicks in a washroom wasn't right, because it's a private area.

he's a chip off the old block, that one.

really? this actually explains a lot.

j/k thats actually pretty funny.

as far as the original the standing up for the other kid is cool, but where i live its defenitely a risk to my kids own safety to have them beating up on other kids, as parents are actually teaching their kids to push the limits of the law, claim self defense, look for rocks, bricks, wood cousins, brothers friends etc... some actually get punished for losing...

my neighbor is a marine, but his kid isnt the most gifted child and he told him "if somebody starts a fight, you finish it" unfortuneately for him the twin brothers up the street have a mom who convinced them that once somebody throws a punch they are free to do whatever they want. so naturally they kept ****in with the neighbor kid til he swung then tried to beat his *** but my kids told me and i went out there... then the neighbors mom went over and got into it with the mom and unluckily for the ghetto ***** the kids dad is never around so she couldnt get someone else involved ...

and so on and so forth... the twin kids older brother and cousin came walking by acting all hard but luckily they were still a couple years from being ready.

the moral of the non-violent child raising is... its only fun til your kid is the one holding his eye then it all makes sense.

[Zymotic]

teaching their kids to push the limits of the law, claim self defense, look for rocks, bricks, wood cousins, brothers friends etc... some actually get punished for losing...years from being ready.

What is/are wood cousins ?

[Solidfire]

Put him in martial arts, that'll teach him =p

[Bearfanmike20]

Put him in martial arts, that'll teach him =p
It will teach him not to fight.....

Almost immediatly any good matial arts instructor will tell you that this is a LAST resort to defend yourself. When you progress to the latter stages you wont even want to fight cause you will be sooooo afraid of hurting someone. Its scary what the human body is capable of.

[Solidfire]

Not fighting/learning to defend yourself in certain situations isn't the only thing martial arts does though.

[Bearfanmike20]

Not fighting/learning to defend yourself in certain situations isn't the only thing martial arts does though.
Dont get me started... I could talk all day about why someone should study the arts... ;)

[Solidfire]

<- I study the arts. lol

[Bearfanmike20]

<- I study the arts. lol
Any specific style??... or many styles??..

[VGWabbit9]

I would have probably just had the long talk with him. No punishment needed. I would also tell him that if it happened again then the punishment would fit the crime. You know as well as I do that sometimes you have to knock respect into some people. They just don't listen to talk. At least now "Baby Steve" has the respect that he just won't let people push him and his friends around. Go Go "Baby Steve"

[TRUEVisionDC]

Well I thought about it overnight and I punished him. As hard as it was for me I feel I am doing the right thing. My dad always told me to take the first punch if they said they couldn't because it's the best punch of the fight. In this day and era that doesn't always fly. I told him I understand why you did it and I appreciate you standing up for your buddy, but you need to understand that this will not be tolerated when you get older. Fighting is not always a bad thing in my eyes. I will catch some flack for that. Sometimes you can not turn the other cheek. There comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. Now that does not mean fighting every time, but he cannot be afraid of confrontation.
This is kinda a reminder to me from last summer. Me and my wife were walking through the mall and some little punk ran into my wife. Now back in the day I would throw fists with anyone anytime, so I grabbed him by the arm and said come on man watch where your going. Tell the lady your sorry. Needless to say he pulled his shirt up and showed me the gun in his belt. Of course that set me off more. You little bastard you better be quick with that cuz you'll look funny walking around with it sticking outta your arze. My wife pulled me away and said softly in my ear. This ain't 1980 honey.;)
LOL...

But I think you handled this right, all the way through...

[Solidfire]

Any specific style??... or many styles??..

Kenpo moreso

[Bearfanmike20]

Kenpo moreso
I did not study kempo.... but I do like that style very much. :D