Question for the Married Guys...

[A Disciple]

Question for the married fellas on the forum, are you "happily" married?

And if so, is it truly happiness or are you just content with the way things are? Also, tell us what you do to keep things fresh and happy in your household. Like is there advice that you would give a single fella on something that you have found in your years of marriage or wish you had known early on?

And for those of you that are unhappy... what is going on as to the reason why? Do you feel there were/are some things you could have done differently in order to make things better? Or what was it that she did that made things go south?


Now of course I do realize this is some extremely personal questions, so if there is anything that you don't want to go into too much detail about, I understand 100%. But any answers would be appreciated. Thanks fellas.

[JoeJGibbs]

Shout out to DBScott. I printed this years ago when he 1st posted it.

]Mike I have married twice. The first time I was a 22 year old youngter and it lasted 1.5 years. My current bride and myself have been rock solid for 15 years.

Lessons I have learned.
It takes 5 years to trully know your mate.
Learn to listen and not reply defensivly, (make sure you understand your mates point)
Dont try to win all arguements (lose battles to win wars)
Date your wife like a girlfriend, keep it fresh
Have hobbies that you both can do together
Learn to respect each others desires to do things that dont involve you.
Do things out of the ordinary every so often. (breakfast in bed, flowers, cook dinner).
Dont go to bed mad.
Talk to your mate about things that bother you. (With that said, if it is something in your mate learn to frame in a way that is constructive)
Never always point out the negative in your mate. Charm goes a long way.


Money:
Money issues are a killer. Learn to plan and agree to budgets.
Never cherish money more than your relationship.
Dont spend money behind each others back

ABOVE ALL COMMUNICATE

Finally: You woman will get mad at you.... thats a given SHE IS A WOMAN!

[justncredible79]

WOW! That about sum's it up!

[drunkenstarfish]

I have been married for 17 years.
Little things seem to make her happy at this point in time. Doing nice things for her that are unexpected. Rub her feet, do the dishes, just little things that don't take alot of time or money.
Sarcasm doesn't really work with women like it does with the guys. They tend to get mad when you are only joking.
Even when I know my wife is wrong about something I will go along with it at times. Not to make her feel inferior, but so we can fix it together. Why belittle her? That just makes her mad. If I let her do it and then help fix the problem she doesn't feel dumb. I will not harp on it and make fun of her for it.
Other things hell yea I make fun of her and she jabs right back lol. We keep things fun. Playing jokes and just laughing together.
She is my best friend. I talk to her about everything.

[drunkenstarfish]

If you are thinking of taking the plunge AD I only have one suggestion.
Make sure she is the one, and for god's sake do not have children right away!
We waited 3 years before having children. I got to know everything I had to look forward to and find all the pet peeves before I was sentenced to life.

[A Disciple]

Shout out to DBScott. I printed this years ago when he 1st posted it.

darn good post.

I have been married for 17 years.
Little things seem to make her happy at this point in time. Doing nice things for her that are unexpected. Rub her feet, do the dishes, just little things that don't take alot of time or money.
Sarcasm doesn't really work with women like it does with the guys. They tend to get mad when you are only joking.
Even when I know my wife is wrong about something I will go along with it at times. Not to make her feel inferior, but so we can fix it together. Why belittle her? That just makes her mad. If I let her do it and then help fix the problem she doesn't feel dumb. I will not harp on it and make fun of her for it.
Other things hell yea I make fun of her and she jabs right back lol. We keep things fun. Playing jokes and just laughing together.
She is my best friend. I talk to her about everything.

thats good info too bbro. thanks for the input.

If you are thinking of taking the plunge AD I only have one suggestion.
Make sure she is the one, and for god's sake do not have children right away!
We waited 3 years before having children. I got to know everything I had to look forward to and find all the pet peeves before I was sentenced to life.

na nothing like that. im single as can be. its just a lot of my young homies are married now and so happy... yet most of my older homies arent. so i just kinda wonder how you go from soooooooooo in love to not. lol

[drunkenstarfish]

na nothing like that. im single as can be. its just a lot of my young homies are married now and so happy... yet most of my older homies arent. so i just kinda wonder how you go from soooooooooo in love to not. lol

I think it's all in what you make of it. After being with someone for a long period of time it is very easy to become to comfortable. You realize you don't have to woo them anymore lol. If you both aren't putting the effort in it will become stale and then it is just sucking the life out of you.

[mightypharaoh]

fool why in the heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell did you PM me this? I damn sho ain't married lol. You need the ole skool homie truevisiondc to respond to this thread lol

[A Disciple]

fool why in the heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell did you PM me this? I damn sho ain't married lol. You need the ole skool homie truevisiondc to respond to this thread lol

lol... i dont know. lol, i guess i was just looking for OG insight and you fell into that category. lol, i sure hope CP dont get wind of this... the old jokes will never end! lol

[Gtrght77]

I just had my nine year anniversary on the 23rd of September. I am still happy, we have our arguments but we get over it.

[A Disciple]

I just had my nine year anniversary on the 23rd of September. I am still happy, we have our arguments but we get over it.

if its not too personal, you mind expounding a bit? what do you guys do to stay happy. more specifically on your part. how do you keep your wife in love and just as happy as the day she decided to say 'i do'?

and how do you make it through the arguments... both the big ones and the small?

[sideoutshu]

Question for the married fellas on the forum, are you "happily" married?

And if so, is it truly happiness or are you just content with the way things are? Also, tell us what you do to keep things fresh and happy in your household. Like is there advice that you would give a single fella on something that you have found in your years of marriage or wish you had known early on?

And for those of you that are unhappy... what is going on as to the reason why? Do you feel there were/are some things you could have done differently in order to make things better? Or what was it that she did that made things go south?


Now of course I do realize this is some extremely personal questions, so if there is anything that you don't want to go into too much detail about, I understand 100%. But any answers would be appreciated. Thanks fellas.

I am as happily married as you could possibly be I think. The reason I say "that you could possibly be" is that it absolutely kills me to be out and see girls I know I could still get and not be able to get em. But I am very happy with the choice I made, I picked the best one, but I think every guy laments the fact that he settled down at times.

1. I think one of the keys to me being happy is that I got every single promiscuous, dirty, perverted thing I would ever want to do out of my system before settling down. There isn't really anything I wish I did with the opposite sex that I didn't do. And also, my wife is Eastern European (very open minded )

2. The second thing that makes me happy, and I think this is the most important thing, is that my wife accepts who I am, and my lifestyle, and didn't expect me to change once we were married. I still travel to play vball almost every single weekend from March to October, and she knew that going in and doesn't bust my balls about it.

3. You have to make sure she is either (a) into what you are into; or (b) willing to tolerate you doing it alone. I just told my 21 year old volleyball partner last weekend, when his girl was visiting from Austria, to pay special attention to the way his girl acts at the tournaments. Every girls thinks it will be really cool to be with a guy who plays ball every weekend. Until they realize it means getting to the beach at 7 am and staying until you get eliminated (usually 6-7 pm) without regard to whether it is "beach weather".

-When my wife and I were dating she came to every tournament regardless of weather, every weekend and traveled to the exotic locations;

-the first few years of marriage she came to a few of the close ones and most of the out of town ones at the nice places (Florida, Newport, etc)

-now, five years in, she has come to 8 tournaments in the last two summers; and usually shows up at about 2 pm and only catches the playoffs.

Now would I like to have her there at most of them? Yes

Do I thank god everyday that despite her not wanting to go, she still allows me to go and doesn't bust my balls.........absolutely.

You have no idea how many guys I used to play with every weekend, and then they got married to some battle-axe b*tch and now we never see them. Worse then that are the guys who only get out for a few weekends a year and spend the whole day arguing/apologizing to their crazy wives about not being with them.

3b. Make sure she gets along with, or at least will smile and tolerate your friends and family. The wife always wins, so if she doesn't like them, you aren't going to see them nearly as much as you would like.

4. If you are an independent person, make sure your wife is also an independent person. This means that she has friends, activities, hobbies, etc. that are separate and apart from you. I have a ton of things I do that are JUST ME things. From vball, to hoops leagues to playing Madden. The reason I can have so much freedom is that my wife has her own friends, and her own activities to do while I am away. If your wife depends on you for her entertainment, you are screwed for life.

5. If physical appearance/fitness is important to you, make sure it is important to her as well. If you are someone who maintains a healthy diet and workout regimen, you have to have someone who encourages that lifestyle IMO. I get a double dose, cause my wife is a personal trainer, so not only does she encourage it, but she makes fun of me when I gain weight over the winter.

I think it would be really tough to live with someone who had tons of fattening food around the house and wanted to go out drinking 4 nights a week, cause it doesn't fit my lifestyle.

Especially for the young guys out there. Young girls are usually in good shape and have good metabolisms. As they get old, if they aren't used to living a healthy life style, their metabolism is gonna slow down and they are going to tank up.

6. Get a few things that are just for you and her. My wife and I take ball room dance classes once a week for 2 months at a time. We also are able to go o the gym together which is nice. I don't think you need to spend a ton of time together as long as you spend some GOOD time together.

7. Make sure you are cool with her family situation. Some girls have families that are SUPER tight which could be a problem if you aren't into that. Before my wife, I dated a girl for 3 years who was part of a super tight italian family. Thank god I didn't marry her, cause I would have been restricted to a 30 mile radius around Westchester County, and sepnt every Sunday, major holiday, and religious event at her parent's house for the rest of my life.

8. Get a girl that doesn't spend money like it grows on trees. Some of the most unhappy guys I know are that way because of their wive's spending habits and/or nagging about money.

9. Get a girl that doesn't need 2 hours of prep time to look good and have fun. LOW MAINTANENCE is the way to go. Want to test it? Take a girl camping, fishing, hiking, etc. My wife can get up in the morning and be out the door in 10 minutes. I have had women who take hours to get ready and it is such a relief to have the other.

10. Only fight the battles that REALLY mean something to you. If you only have a SLIGHT disgreement on something that doesn't REALLY matter, let her have her way! I haven't gotten my way on a single decorating decision in 6 years. But when the big things come, I have some extra rope.

11. Never say no to sex. Women read WAY too much into it.

12. I have my phone calander diaried to send my wife flowers once a month for no reason. The reminder goes off, I call the store, she gets them, and I am a good husband for EXTREMELY low effort.


In summary, I think the thing I am most happy with in my relationship is that my wife gives me plenty of time to myself. There are alot obvious things you need to make a marriage work, but that is the most important non-obvious thing to making us go.

Hope that helps.

[sanantonio]

This is my second go round and learned a lot from the first time. Me and the wifey have been married for 16 years now and I love her the same as the day I met her. Now we have our ups and downs but they are more ups then downs. I pretty much have to go with what Gibbs reprinted from Dbscott he hit the nail right square on the head and there really isn't much to add.

[BigW]

I was going out with my wife for 10 years before we got married. Been married for 7 years. I have a beautiful 3 Month old Son. Couldn't be happier in my life. Once in a while I get or see a chick that wants her cheeks blasted, but I turn them away. Because my wife's love canal is the sweetest. and she works that **** like we just met.

-But in all seriousness, don't get married just to get married or get out of the house...Those marriages never last.

-Take time to know your girl, move in with her. This is a sure way of telling if you'll be able to live with her for the rest of your life.

-Sex should not be just sex...you know what I mean?

-There will be fights guaranteed. A real couple survive and learn. The fake ones die off into Divorce land.

-Most importantly before you get married **** till your balls fall off. **** any ***** that waves her snatch at you. (Don't be banging ugly chicks now, life is too short to bang ugly chicks).

[mightypharaoh]

I was going out with my wife for 10 years before we got married. Been married for 7 years. I have a beautiful 3 Month old Son. Couldn't be happier in my life. Once in a while I get or see a chick that wants her cheeks blasted, but I turn them away. Because my wife's love canal is the sweetest. and she works that **** like we just met.

-But in all seriousness, don't get married just to get married or get out of the house...Those marriages never last.

-Take time to know your girl, move in with her. This is a sure way of telling if you'll be able to live with her for the rest of your life.

-Sex should not be just sex...you know what I mean?

-There will be fights guaranteed. A real couple survive and learn. The fake ones die off into Divorce land.

-Most importantly before you get married **** till your balls fall off. **** any ***** that waves her snatch at you. (Don't be banging ugly chicks now, life is too short to bang ugly chicks) .

hahaha

if you can't get yourself a ten the least you could do is bump Five 2's